Journal of Dev'ti
Magic doesn't care how much you want to study the intricate secrets of the arcane. It doesn't care about your drive, motivation, or emotionally driven need for revenge or validation. As the scrolls tell, Magic only seems interested in two things: your memory and your soul.
The memory part is relatively straightforward. To tap into the unabashed well of Magical potential, stark and strong memories are resurfaced from the unconscious mind. The emotional effect of this is sometimes stronger than the original memory itself. Some mages are driven mad when trauma gets relived a hundred times over upon releasing a spell. Scholars think that Magic requires something when pushing its potential though us. I think it's simultaneously a harsh mistress and a cruel jester.
The soul is more tricky. Magic does not corrupt the soul per se, but the toll of using Magic is sometimes visible. The latest research makes a small connection between the memories drawn and the shaking of the soul.
"Distorted" is the way I've often described heavy users of Magic. They seem, on the outset, normal. But the feeling one gets is as though some part of them is locked out and pushed away from reality.
With all the hazards of Magic, why would we pursue this dangerous art willingly? Some do because the mysterious appeals to them, others because they want to unlock it's secrets. Others use it purely for power.
For my part, I search because I must.